What God Has joined together, Sermon 7 of 10
The Rocky Road--When The Gift Doesn't Seem So Perfect
(Children's Sheet for Sermon Interaction is at bottom. Notes for young children to answer are throughout sermon)Years ago, I was sitting in a rustic cabin classroom in the mountains of Chihuahua Mexico. I was in a missionary training school. We were listening to a teaching that had to do with husbands and wives in the mission field. I was single at the time, so the teaching was somewhat abstract to me. Though much of it seemed in the realm of theory to a young bachelor, I tried to absorb the principles in the best way I could by taking copious notes. After all, it is true; no matter what people say, when you are single, learning about the various intricacies of marriage will always be somewhat abstract. This is why I do not recommend going to a single pastor for marriage counseling. So there I was as a young single. We were studying about cross-cultural missions and then we dove into all the various facets of married life on the mission field. Eventually, the teachings from that lesson became as distant from my memory as marriage was to my experience as a single. It wasn't until years later, as I was looking through my old files, that I rediscovered the notes from that class. As I skimmed through those notes, I was particularly drawn to a statement I had jotted down so many years before during that lesson. I wrote,
"The reason why there is so much confusion in marital teaching and marital counseling is because of the lack of recognition of God predesigning the relationship of two believers."
That statement really impacted me. It made me wonder how many Christian Marriage counselors, authors, preachers and teachers, never start with the foundation that God predesigns the relationship of two Christians. What would happen if God's children understood this biblical principle when they start to encounter overwhelming marital problems? What would happen if they learned this before encountering marriage problems? This is what I am going to cover in this sermon. Please prepare your heart to learn, along with me, in this sermon titled,
What God Has joined together, Sermon 7 of 10
The Rocky Road--When The Gift Doesn't Seem So Perfect
[prayer]
At the beginning of this series on What God Has Joined Together, some of you may remember that I shared the story of two people who were experiencing a severe start to their marriage. It is the illustration that I gave of talking with a friend and explained to him that he was on the wrong road concerning how he viewed his marriage. Some of the problem episodes of that couple were so extreme that the elders in their church had considered asking them to leave the congregation. Think about this, they had started their wedding out with a fight on the night of their honeymoon. They ended up sleeping in separate beds during their honeymoon. Their problems eventually culminated in a gun wielding confrontation from the wife. At that point, she left her husband. She took their baby with her. All seemed hopeless. But hope had a spark that would not be dowsed. God intervened. He brought the two of them back together. Eventually, they began to realize something that is a true revelation. It is something that impacts lives immensely. For them, it became a miraculous revelation. What happened? They realized the fact that God was perfecting the attitudes of Christ in them through their marriage experiences. In particular, they recognized that God was using their marriage to expose their independent natures to be dealt with through humble self diminishment. They had come to learn that God was molding them so that they would function as Christlike servants. They also understood that God was molding them to experience the oneness of their union. It is twenty years later (at the preaching of this sermon) since they quit believing their marriage was a mistake. Now they give glory to God for His wisdom in bringing together two people that are more than extreme in their differences from one another. Yet, looking back at that hard time, from the limited outlook of others, their marriage seemed doomed to never achieve the image of Christ nor the image of oneness. This is why it is so important to understanding the great foundation of this series. God is the designer of all marriages between brothers and sisters in Christ, and these marriages are always perfect in His eyes. It is also important for us to understand that even though this foundation gets us on the right road, knowing these facts does not guarantee that the road will always be smooth in daily experience. In fact, living through these experiences can be compared to traveling down a road that is covered with jagged rocks. The road can be painful. It can be disillusioning. The road sometimes seems like it hurts more than it heals. The road can seem like it is more sorrow than joy. With these things in mind, I want us to explore some principles concerning the rocky road marriage. It is important for us to understand that God is perfecting two things in Christians through this experience: Foremost, God is conforming Christian spouses into the image of Christ through their marriage. Along with that, God is conforming both Christian spouses into the image of the "one flesh" that they became when they entered into the covenant of marriage.
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The first principle has to do with a unique way that God works conformity into us. It is special part of the process that He uses to mold us. Nobody is immune to God's molding methods that He uses in His maturing process. Every true child of God experiences them; but primarily, I want us to see how God uniquely uses marriages for the application of His molding methods in spouse's lives. To get us into the proper direction that I am going, I want to say that it is clear that God deals with all Christians according to a particular method. It is also clear that God is working in your life with details that are different than mine. He is sovereignly working throughout life's scenarios with you, me, and others, in His own distinct ways. But, at the same time, God deals with all Christians according to a particular method in which God has a consistent result to be accomplished. What is that result?
It is conformity to the image of Christ.
Listen to me carefully, God wants to see Christ manifested in you, through you, and outwardly from you. This is conformity to His image. All of us Christians have this in common. To understand it, we must recognize that God uses all things, including rocky road experiences, to conform us into the image of His Son. This is the backbone in what Paul said in Philippians 3, when he said,
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." Philippians 3:10
It is important that we get the principle here. It is important that we don't look at this, and say,
"Isn't that nice. Paul was unique. Paul had some lofty ideas about how to experience his own spiritual growth. After all he was an apostle."
The apostle is teaching more than his own ambition here. Paul is expressing an amazing revelation that only comes by the Spirit. It is the providential way that God has designed for us to know the "power of" Christ's "resurrection" in our lives, and it necessarily goes hand in hand with sharing in His sufferings. In this process, God molds us into "becoming like him in his death." Now here is the important thing about this spiritual principle; God understand that there are no shortcuts. In other words, there is no easy way to get this kind of spiritual growth. The only way to become like, or conformed to, the humbling self diminishing sacrifice of our Lord, and to go on to manifest His resurrected life that follows, is by participating in the unique fellowship of sharing in His sufferings. This may be difficult to embrace, but it is a vital fact. But there is still more. We need to know that God is even delighted when you glory in this difficult process. Paul knew the outcome well, so he showed appreciation for the process,
"... but we glory also in afflictions, knowing that affliction works out patience, and patience [works out] proven character, and proven character, hope." Romans 5:3-4
The point of this principle, that polishes you, is that the affliction you go through as you live your life in tune with the Lord, does work out patience in you, and from patience, proven character is refined in you, and from your proven character, hope is produced out of you that is enduring and vibrant in mature Christian stability. God wants you to glory in this. Why? Because all these things are fruits of the Spirit. Fruit is manifestation. So what is happening is that suffering, and affliction, is the fertile ground that produces the sweet tasting, mature, fruits. The big harvest is steadfast hope. What I have just shared is vital doctrine that is meant to drive our actions. Let's take the principle, and look at how it operates in the arena of marriage. The irony of the rocky road, is that the very things that we should glory in because they are conforming us to Christ, are the very things we can become upset with God about because He is allowing them to happen to us in His sovereignty. This is why we must learn the foundations first. Part of the foundation has to do with the secret that Paul had learned for being content no matter what he went through,
"12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need." Philippians 4:12
What is the secret to being content in everything like this? We find Paul mentioning it in 1 Corinthians. Paul asked God to take away a messenger from Satan that had been given to him to afflict him. Paul called the messenger "a thorn" in his flesh. Then Paul explains God's gracious answer. It is part of the secret which is part of the foundation;
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, because my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9–10
Those things that Paul lists that he delights in, are the 5 gifts of perfecting. You won't usually find those listed on a refrigerator magnet, yet they are God's powerful tools for bringing about the power of Christ. The point is that Paul embraces this principle because he knows, by faith, that there is a perfect result that comes in the process. What is the secret? What is the result?
When you are weakened in the flesh then you are strong in the Spirit.
It is easy to say, but it is not easy to experience. This is where we need to recognize the principle in our marriages. Notice the five gifts of perfecting. They are weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties. Notice Paul's reaction. It is the reaction that God wanted him to have. It is the reaction that God wants His Christian spouses to have. One reaction was gladly boasting about the five gifts of perfection that were given him. Another was being pleased in them. This is the mind of Christ that was repeated in Philippians 2:2–8. It is the footstep pattern of the Lord that we should walk in according to 1 Peter 2:21-24, and 1 Peter 3:17-18. It is the armament of Christ's purpose that we equip ourselves with in 1 Peter 4:1-2. It is why Paul could exhort us to; "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ," 1 Corinthians 11:1. There is a problem though. We all know what it is. The problem is an inner wrestling that occurs as the outer wrestling of weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties throws us onto the ground. The outer wrestling hurts when we suffer in our circumstances, doesn't it? But what I am talking about is a battle that is waged in us at the same time. The earthy aspect of us does not want to lay down without a fight. We don't like what is happening in the supernatural, so the wrestling starts. What I am talking about is that you are either going to follow in the steps of Christ, or you are going to follow the patterns of the old nature that you were crucified to positionally in Christ. When we appropriate the resurrection power of Christ through the crucified life, then what we are doing is throwing our circumstances down on the mat by the power of the Spirit through His word. We begin to see that the life that we now live in the flesh, whether in the "one flesh" of marriage, or our individual flesh, we are living by faith in the Son of God who lives within us spiritually. Then what happens? We understand that the five gifts of perfecting are being applied to us too. Where? In the arena of our great ministry calling of marriage. Spiritual maturity is when we embrace them for God's glory. This is the example, and teaching, of Christ and the apostles. Keep this in mind, because the next point is very important: Christ had to learn obedience. You say,
"Excuse me, what did you say?"
I said,
"Christ had to learn obedience"
Yes, Christ had to learn some things. He had to learn obedience, and He learned it one way. He learned it from His sufferings. The writer of Hebrews proclaims that Jesus,
"learned obedience from what He suffered." Hebrews 5:8
Listen to me; This is how you learn obedience too. We learn it by the Spirit through His word working with what we go through. This is what it means to experience that special
"fellowship of sharing in His sufferings," Philippians 3:10.
Here is the huge point; The trials and tribulations experienced on the rocky road are sufferings. Nobody is trying to refute that fact. But what many Christians try to refute, or don't stop to meditate upon as what is going on in the spirit realm, is how God is doing a great work of obedience in their lives that can only come about through the experience of rocky roads. When someone receives the rocky road experiences in their married life as part of God's gifting for their spiritual growth, then they truly understand that though the rocky road may look like a curse, and feel like a curse, it is really a blessing toward maturity. We must recognize that
"it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose," Philippians 2:13
@1 God ___________________ in all his children to will and act according to His good purpose. Philippians 2:13
Christ in you, my dear Christian, is where you draw your strength to be obedient to God's word because Christ is already the victor. The blessing is that we begin to reflect the image of Christ in us as we put to death the daily deeds of our natural body by the Spirit of God who a) dwells in us, and b) uses our circumstances,
"... the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you ... by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body ..." Romans 8:11 & 13
In this way, we see that
"God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son," Romans 8:28–29
All things covers everything, and it all works together for good to you who love God. Now think about this. It can be relentless arguing. It can be that you are being ignored. Or it can be that both of you are ignoring each other. It can be lack of respect. It can be lack of spiritual leadership on the husband's part. It can be lack of submission on the wife's part. It is all sandpaper that grinds us as it polishes us. Now listen, because this is important: Though all of these things are bad, and though sin is involved, God is still using them for His ultimate good which is your ultimate good. What is the good result? To make you look more like His Son than like yourself. This is what this principle is all about. Everything in the marriage relationship is under this, including the irritations of the rocky road. Certainly, harmony, unity, submission, communication, and all these things also conform us into the image of Christ, but it is a mistake to think that those things are the means that God uses to do this perfecting work. Harmony, unity, submission, communication are the results--not the means to get there. Rocky roads are experiences that are unique in God's plan for teaching us special lessons that we would not learn otherwise. God's usage of every aspect of marriage to conform us into the image of Christ is just another arena in which God works out this truth. We need to keep this in mind because there is absolutely no place in the Bible that states that our marriages are designed to keep us happy all the time. Marriage is an extension of life. The circumstance of life in this present temporal world is not designed to bring us happiness either. Instead of continuous, moment to moment, happiness, what do we find? We find the realization of our own frailty. We experience failure. We are susceptible to pain from outside influences. We get hurt. This is weakness. Whenever you follow the example of Paul, and begin glorying in your weaknesses rather than pridefully trying to glory in your supposed strengths, the true strength, which is God's strength, is made perfect in you. Then what happens? The "power" of Christ rests on you. It is in this place of glorying that we find ourselves, like the apostle, beginning to manifest more of Christ out of ourselves by acting more like Christ would act. Then, as if someone turned on a light in a dark room, we find that God really is conforming us into the image of His Son through every one of our marriage experiences. And the most amazing part of this principle is that you start to become known by the fruits of the Spirit in a marriage that has rocks on the road. But, here is the key to this: You will only recognize the work that God is doing, if you recognize the principle in the first place. So we must not be confused about it. Our loving Father is particularly concerned about our attitudes toward our spouse, even in our reactions. He wants us to react as Christ would. In 1 Peter 2 and 3, Peter explains the necessity to do all for the sake of Christ according to the way of Christ. I want us to see how Peter brings the instruction to wives who are experiencing a rocky road marriage. Again, Peter is explaining the necessity to do all for the sake of Christ according to the way of Christ. Notice how Peter starts with the way of Christ,
"19 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. 20 For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. 21 Because you have been called for this purpose,
[why?]
since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22 who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in his mouth; 23 and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; ...
[Now notice how Peter brings the example of Christ to the ministry of marriage by saying "In the same way." Peter says,]
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior." 1 Peter 2:19–23, 3:1–2
@2 Christ Jesus committed no _________________. 1 Peter 2:22
Peter continues expounding on this Christlike attitude and its subsequent blessing by stating to all Christians,
"14 But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled," 1 Peter 3:14
This principle of suffering being a blessing must be seen as operating in the ministry of marriage along with everywhere else it exists. Only a Christian's renewed mind of Christ is what grasps these principles and respects them. Notice that I am laying out this foundation with Scripture. This is important. For some of us, this whole idea of suffering being a blessing is a totally foreign truth. I know it was to me when I first learned it. I think part of the reason that this teaching is ignored, or even unknown, has to do with false doctrines that permeate the atmosphere in our day. They present God as someone who wants to replace all our suffering in this present life. The popular teaching is that God wants to replace it with riches, perfect health, and seamless experiences in all your activities. It is a kind of "Rub the Genie" type of false doctrine. Selfish Christianity that dwells on personal health, wealth, and some supposed idea that God will make all our circumstances painless, and trouble free, does this to the detriment of growth. These false teachings are usually couched in terms of "overcoming." But, true overcoming, is to rest in God and His sovereign work in the midst of the storm that does not seem to go away no matter how many faith tokens you feed into the promise machine. Actually, God does deliver from circumstances; but not always. Faith that God moves to deliver us walks hand in hand with faith in God when He decides not to move to deliver us. This is why we must understand that there are reasons. In the meantime, God wants us manifest growth at each stage, and each aspect of our lives. Paul gave us this simple, yet penetrating, revelation of where we want our attitudes to ultimately grow in our conformity to Christ which comes trough our rocky road experiences in marriage:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
[Husbands--wives--listen--Do you see what this means for you and your own marriage? For me as a husband, this means I am to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit toward my spouse, but in humility, I am to consider my spouse to be better than myself. Now we are talking about where your doctrine drives your actions. But Paul goes on, and the Spirit teaches us,]
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
[In other words, each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of your spouse. The Spirit is not finished,]
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature--God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing,
[This is how we should be in respect to our spouse. He goes on saying that Christ is our example in]
taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:3–8
@3 Christ Jesus' attitude was that He humbled Himself. God wants us to have ___________________ by considering others to be better than ourselves. Philippians 2:3-8
And so we remember that Christ learned obedience by the things that he suffered. God will expose impatience in you. He will uncover the pride that is really there that you think is not there. He will show you your lack of forgiveness. He will reveal your unwillingness to admit personal error. I'm talking about the arena of the rocky road. God is molding the coal to create a diamond. He is applying heat and pressure to you. He is refining the gold by melting it, and scraping off the dross. He is melting your weak condition by allowing conflicts to surface in your marriage. This is His means for bringing about pure gold in the long run. After these rocks in the rocky road are exposed, we must admit our selfishness to God and thank Him for loving us enough to arrange the whole process of conformity to His Son by living in our marriages for His glory. So first, God is conforming Christian spouses into the image of Christ through their marriage. This is based upon a foundational spiritual growth principle.
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This leads to the second principle. After understanding that God uses our experiences in marriage to conform us to Christlikeness, we are ready to understand the next item of work that our loving God is bringing about in marriage. It is to be reflecting the image of the one flesh manifested in achieving the ministry of oneness. The last principle we went through is hard to understand for a lot of people. What I am about to say is also hard to understand, so pay attention. When a man and woman are joined together in marriage, they become something new. The Scriptures refer to it as one flesh that God has joined together. That is what your marriage union is in God's language. Becoming "one flesh" is analogous to what happens to a man and woman when they become born again in Christ Jesus. When one becomes born again (which means to be joined together with Christ) he or she becomes a new creation called a "Christian," Acts 11:26. This union is spiritual. In this union we become one spirit with the Lord, 1 Corinthians 6:17. Over time, a way that God works the manifested image of Christ into all who are one spirit with Him is through the principle we have covered in the first point. Similarly, God works the manifested image of the one-flesh that both spouses became at marriage through burning off the remnants of the old nature of being single. When people don't like this process, they usually run down the path toward divorce. Divorce is a way of saying
"I not only will not die to the old nature of being single, but I will get rid of my spouse so I can truly be single again."
The problem with this reasoning is that God's design is to give Christian spouses as unreturnable gifts. If one is seriously considering divorce because of the rocks on the road, then that person is rejecting God's two main works:
1) The refining work of God to rid us of the dross of manifesting more of sin and selfishness so that we will manifest more of Christ, thus manifesting what a Christlike husband and a wife are supposed to be like and
2) learning to operate in the ministry of oneness.
Because God is the designer of our marriages as Christians, He knows exactly why He brings certain people together in the covenant. He also knows exactly what personality He wanted to marry with your personality. God desires that a harmonious oneness be produced from the union. Yet, the very reasons that a husband and wife should function effectively and efficiently in oneness are often the very same reasons they experience conflict. The best way to understand this is to first realize that marriage is meant as a special form of fellowship between a brother and sister in Christ. It is actually the most intimate form of fellowship that Christians can achieve. The reason is because a one flesh creation incorporates the minds; the ability to determine; the emotions; bodies, and the redeemed spirituality in regeneration of the husband and the wife in a covenant with God. Related to this, in the expansive fellowship of Christianity, we find that the church is composed of many people. Each member is distinct and separate, yet each member functions in togetherness as a whole. This is the ministry of oneness among the body of Christ. Among the expansive church, the various members possess gifts and talents that specifically mark their distinctiveness within the body. Think about various ministry gifts. Some are gifted,
"to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors-teachers, [in the Greek it is pastor-teacher] " Ephesians 4:11
God has created such a diversity to prepare His,
"people for works of service, [which is more ministry gifting] so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ ..." Ephesians 4:12–13
Unfortunately, ministers of the body of Christ don't always operate as smoothly together as they should. In 1 Corinthians 14 we see that prophets needed to be regulated in the church congregation. One evident reason that is seen from exegeting the passage is that prophets tend to think they are right. They think that God has revealed a special insight to them, and so that is that. But God says they need checks and balances. This "I am right, so just listen" attitude can characterize certain types of people in every generation of the church. They may have a kind of prophetic type gifting in which they think they see a special insight. It is evident to them. They believe that it is from God and they have no problem blurting it out. This can be a problem for the pastor who is a teacher. Because he says,
"If you're right, then you need to prove it.
Also, if you are right, then we need to let people know by explaining it to them in a way they can understand."
The evangelist, on the other hand, may tend toward thinking that the only work of any serious significance is that of getting people saved. Pastors are motivated to oversee people. So Pastors may become overly burdened, or they may become overly controlling. On the other hand, others in the body may have a difficult time being in subjection to biblical church leadership. Prophet type people may have problems with others because people who have prophet like tendencies often think they know more than others. Contemporary apostle types are something like what we now call missionaries. They are not primary, nor secondary, apostles of the first generation with that kind of apostolic calling and authority. But missionaries exist. These people may think it is more important for the message of Christ to be spread somewhere else other than where they are. The overseeing teachers are still looking at everyone and repeating
"Prove it from the fullness of the full counsel of God's word; and if you don't, I may prove something else."
What can happen is that the very giftings that were brought together by the Lord to function in harmony, may, instead, result in conflict. Problems can arise at every facet of Christian fellowship. Why? Because there is not a consistently conscious respect of each other's God-given gifts, insights, value, divine appointment, and real God given, God ordained, need for one another, in the body. When this occurs, our actions are not encouraging the interdependence of oneness that God desires, but rather independence. Many times the result is that people completely break fellowship. It is a type of amputation--a type of divorce. Or they lose respect for the particular brother or sister that grates on their nerves. This is disharmony. It is the exact opposite of the "unity in the faith" of Ephesians 4:13. The point is that everyone has giftings from God; but we do not necessarily have the same gifts. Some of us are weak in some areas. Some are strong in other areas. Some of us have personalities that grate the nerves of others. Some of us have nerves that are easily grated. This is just the way it is in the body. Nevertheless, God desires that the body functions in the bond of unity no matter what kind of nerve grating occurs. Now listen to my main point;
a) Christians marriages are like the body of Christ.
b) each spouse is also a minister.
Christian marriages are designed by God for spouses to combine their strong points together to function in their ministry calling as one flesh. This is so that any weaknesses they have in operating as individuals can be diminished through their union. The husband is the head, and yet each husband has a distinct personality with his own quirks. Some husbands are quieter than others. Some are more attentive to details than other husbands. Some are brash. The wife is the helper, and yet each wife has a personality with her own distinct quirks. Some wives are quieter than others. Some wives are more attentive to details than others. Some talk like a valve has been opened that won't turn back the other way. Some wives need to be coaxed into saying a word. The problem is that ministry of oneness is greatly inhibited when spouses focus on the perceived weak, or strong, character attributes of their mates as negatives instead of accepting the artistry of God's special handiwork. Aside from the manifestation of sin (nobody is completely perfect) all character attributes are beautiful representations of God's creativity. It is usually from the wrong focus that one can hear disgruntled spouses repeat what has come to be an all too familiar cliche';
"We are incompatible."
But is this statement really true?
No--Not with Christians.
Incompatibility is only true when a Christian marries an unbeliever in an unequal joining, 2 Corinthians 6:14. Otherwise, marital incompatibility with two Christians is a humanistic philosophy found nowhere in God's word. Let me reword that for clarity: Marital incompatibility, as even a remote concept for Christians with Christians, is found nowhere in God's word. A better way to explain what is usually misperceived as incompatibility is to say, "God made us both to be different and we get on each other's nerves!" I'm going to use an analogy that I think will really drive this point home. Listen to what Paul says concerning the gifting of Christian compatibility in the body of Christ. Then listen to the analogy of marriage that follows. I'm reading from Romans:
"... Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:4-5
@4 In Christ we who are many form one _________________. Romans 12:4-5
The fitting analogy of this is that our physical bodies are made up of many body parts that we call members, but all members do not have the same function. In the same way, the Christian husband and wife are members of one body in Christ and are also each one members of one another according to their marital covenant. Now let's do the same thing using Romans 12. Speaking of the church again;
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12:6–8
Now let's think about the analogy's application. Let's think about our own marriages. Each spouse has different gifts according to the grace given to them, so spouses should recognize each others' possession of them and seek to encourage their practice in love. Now let's do one last one from 1 Corinthians 12,
"... there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable ..." 1 Corinthians 12:20–22
Again, let's consider marriage, where both the husband and the wife are members of the one flesh; A spouse is not able to say to the other spouse, "I have no need of you." Even though one member of the marriage may seem weaker, they are still necessary. The analogies from the body of Christ passages being seen in the one flesh relationship, work so well because a Christian marriage represents a snapshot of the more expansive church. The fact that spouses are radically different from one another can pinch their carnal natures. But it is worse if they do not learn to receive their spouses weak points as the ministry opportunity that their strong points can enhance. The ministry of oneness is realized as we spouses learn that the only way we can truly manifest being "one" in our "one flesh" is by conscious acceptance of all that God incorporated into our mate's attributes. I know I keep talking about the ministry of oneness. The ministry of oneness is really the ministry of wholeness. Wholeness is that individually one spouse may be a spend-o-matic with money, but the other spouse may be tighter than a welded vice. One spouse may see the whole bedroom as a clothes drawer, but the other spouse may have each piece of clothing neatly filed away under the proper heading; indexed and individually accounted for. One spouse may cry like a baby about seemingly meaningless occurrences. The other spouse may seem like a robot that was specifically programmed to show no emotion whatsoever. One spouse may be strong in math. The other spouse may be more abstract in their thinking. These are just a few examples of how weakness and strength go hand in hand creating a balance in God's design of marital wholeness. But the ministry of wholeness also goes for forgiveness. Wholeness requires grace. It requires love that is constantly checking our heart and attitudes to see if we are putting our spouse down. There is a subtle kind of contempt for spouses that occurs in wives not loving their husbands in not demonstrating submissiveness, and in husbands not loving their wives as Christ loves the church in self sacrificing, humble, leadership.
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This leads to the third principle. It has to do with the two primary reasons why the ministry of wholeness is so important. Foremost, God wants us to minister to the needs of our spouse, which means we fulfill being "one." But there is another reason. It is where we, in oneness and wholeness, then minister to others around us in a biblical, and functional, manner. This beautiful blend of husbands and wives as functional ministers is a dramatic display of the goal. Folks, this is what we want. We want to manifest Christ out of our marriages. Our marriages then become a mission force that ministers to others through the harmony.
To sum up the rocky road can be almost overwhelming at times. I don't think any realist would deny that fact. This is why I urge you to remember the note I scribbled in missionary training school:
"The reason why there is so much confusion in marital teaching and marital counseling is because of the lack of recognition of God predesigning the relationship of two believers."
Then remember what God is doing in all the marriages He brings together--even the rocky roads. The rocky road is the fundamental reason why you must recognize God's concern for your individual spiritual growth, and the various ways He accomplishes the process in you. We must remember that there are no short cuts to this particular kind of growth. When we embrace His molding sovereignty then we should expect our spouses to be part of God's overall plan for what He is wanting to produce out of our lives. He or she may never change into what you wish they would be. On the other hand, there is a really big question that the Spirit wants us to ask ourselves: Are you willing to change into what God wants you to be? Are you willing to change even if it means going through the rocky roads with a biblical attitude in which you grow into the biblical result? Some of you here may be experiencing a rough marriage. No one is saying that your pain is not real. No one is saying that what you are going through is easy to handle. The beautiful fact is that God wants you to be conformed into the image of His Son. God also wants you to be conformed into the image of the one flesh you became at marriage. There is no guarantee that you will have a harmonious married life. You may never achieve the ministry of oneness because there is always another person involved in the relationship. That other person has the ability to obey God, or disobey God, just like you do. But, you can be assured that you are being conformed into the image of our precious Savior through your experiences. Know this: God wants us to act, and react, like Jesus no matter what our spouse is doing. So my encouragement to everyone is to look to our Lord as our example as we grow into his image. If you are married, have courage as you do one of the hardest things you may ever do. But then again, it may be the easiest thing that you can do. Do you know what it is? It is to thank God for the marriage that you have. I want all spouse to look at each other right now, and say, "I thank God for our marriage.' [Prayer]
@1 God ___________________ in all his children to will and act according to His good purpose. Philippians 2:13
@3 Christ Jesus' attitude was that He humbled Himself. God wants us to have ___________________ by considering others to be better than ourselves. Philippians 2:3-8
@2 Christ Jesus committed no _________________. 1 Peter 2:22
@4 In Christ we who are many form one _________________. Romans 12:4-5
